Pestilence coincides with Euros
During the afternoon periods of Thursday 16th, a great many Sixth Form students contracted damning diseases which, in almost all cases, resulted in them having to return home. In some instances, entire groups of friends went under. The symptoms exhibited included driving home at haste, updating Snapchat stories to images of Sturridge and Vardy and tweeting football-related sentiments which more often than not made repeated use of the “!” key. One can only hope the swathes of carriers recover quickly and return to their classes tomorrow.
Whether this contagious disease bears any correlation to the Euros, The Bournemouthian is yet to find out, and must continue reporting from the depths of ignorance on the matter.
For those less affected, but still showing signs of infection, the Common Room became a makeshift hospital ward.